In one of my earlier posts, I’d touched upon my experiments with dieting, when I started with intermittent fasting back in September of 2018. I’d then measured myself at 74.8 kilograms. When I started this year, I was at 66 kilograms, my journey involving a lot of fluctuations. Today, I recorded my lowest weight in several years, at 61.2 kilograms, clocking a net loss of 13.6 kilograms. It’s taken me close to two years to close in on this, but in the process, I’ve also learned a lot more about myself, and also the challenges involved in the whole process of weight loss itself.

When I think of something I’d like to compare the challenge of weight-loss to, I can think of quitting smoking, which I did back in 2013; while it was challenging to quit smoking, it was largely about making the decision to quit, and then following up with determination to stay quit. However, once I’d shaken off the urge to quit, the risks of relapsing kept getting lower, and the fact that I’d also picked up a big interest in bicycling meant that there was simply no way I was going back. Weight-loss on the other hand, isn’t that simple, as it’s not about making the decision to quit something and not having to think about it again. When I decided to lose weight, I realized that just having the goal of losing a set number of kilograms wasn’t going to be sufficient, but I’d need to develop the discipline in order to be able to keep them off, and that part was always going to be the harder part.

During the time from September 2018 to now, I’ve had a large amount of time to understand that my body isn’t very forgiving towards bad habits; I gain weight quickly, and lose it slow, and I really can’t afford many cheat days. It just doesn’t work with eating more and making promises to myself to work out more, as it leads to

1) Weight gain.
2) Pressure to work out more, in order to compensate the additional calories, turning an otherwise fun activity into a punishment session for poor prior judgment.
3) Guilt, if I’m unable to actually work out more than planned.
4) Reduced confidence after losing the momentum in the weight-loss quest.

I’ve realized that avoidance of extra meal portions can be at times very hard, particularly when it’s what I really like, but preventing weight gain far outweighs the pains one needs to take, to lose it again. The Sisyphean task of losing the same weight over and over again is perhaps one of the most frustrating things one can experience, so over the past year and a half, I’ve now developed the ability to stop eating before I get the feeling of being truly satisfied, as my body’s signalling mechanism has too much of inertia. If I eat as much as my body seems to think is okay, I’ll clearly have eaten far too much. Now, instead of looking for the pleasure of a meal providing the fullest sense of satisfaction, I’ve now learned to to appreciate the satisfaction of knowing I stopped at the point where I’ve eaten per my true requirements, without overeating. My wife Shruti is a fantastic cook, and the reassurance that I’ll get to eat more of whatever fantastic dish I’m partaking of, on a later occasion in the future, does go a long way in helping me with the discipline. Though she loves the fact that I love her cooking, and would actually be quite happy to serve me extra portions, she’s now a solid teammate and helps me stay disciplined.

The psychological aspects of my weight-loss

Both weight gain and weight loss are extremely personal; we have to be pragmatic and not allow others dictate our feelings or perception of our own weight. The ideal weight is whatever feels most right to us, and we shouldn’t feel afraid to experiment and see what works for us best. On the other hand, what works for others need not automagically work for us, so there’s definitely a strong need for a lot of experimentation. It really helps a lot when we give ourself sufficient time to understand our body and the way it responds to dietary adjustments, when exposed to varying levels of physical activity. Sometimes, I’d cut the portions too much, and find myself with headaches or nausea, but over time, I found better balance.

How do I feel now? Most of my initial weight loss was both fat and muscle, as I did little in terms of physical activity, as I’d wanted as much of the weight loss to be diet-driven as possible. This year though, I’ve restarted riding actively, including putting several hours each week on my unicycles, an experience which has been rewarding both physically and mentally. I’ve now started gaining back the muscle while continuing to keep the fat at bay. My power numbers are still a good way lower than my peak numbers from 2017, the year I rode Trans Am Bike Race, but the loss of weight makes a huge difference to my climbing performance, and that’s a major confidence booster. I also find it really satisfying to see myself in the mirror, and see a reflection that seems closer to how I like to see myself. I look and feel younger, and it makes me happier and more confident.

The future

My weight-loss journey was always intended to be a lifestyle change rather than a short-term goal to be chased down, so I hope to continue staying fit and keeping myself in whatever weight band I choose to put myself in, and this will evolve in time, as my goals and aspirations evolve. For now, I’m not looking to lose a lot more weight, but instead to do some more focused work on losing localized fat, particularly abdominal fat, which continues to linger long after I’ve chucked away a large amount of fat, underlining just how hard the challenge is. I’d like to be able to push my fitness so I can ride longer and faster, both on two wheels and one :)